Looking Back

Today, while walking with my indon coursemate in the campus, out of sudden he was telling me "u knw wat? when I looked back, I realized tat I did so much mistakes...primary sch, high sch. If only I cud go back, I would have done so much better" He was regret for not putting his best effort at tat time. I felt the same way too. Tis made me reminisced about my life, of wat I've done for my primary/middle/high/tertiary education for approx. 19 years.

I rmber I used to be v determined and kinda ambitious. I have big dreams like to become a doctor, pharmacist, engineer. Since young, I've always wanted a quality n comfortable life in the future. I knw to fulfill tat, I must study hard to get a good result, to get into uni n get a well paid job. It's funny when I recalled back tat I used to hav an ambition to be a doctor coz I reli dislike Biology. It's just not my cup of tea n tat explained y am I doing Engineering.

I rmb during pri 6, I was being transferred into the lousiest class. Thr was only 3 class at my time. A,B n C. C was the best class while A is the lousiest. Pri 1-3 they don distinguish, A,B n C r equal. Starting pri 4, they start to place students according to grades. I rmber I always get like 50++/60th position in the class n sch were doing some transferring, for the top three in A class to C class. I rmber I did nt get the last 3 position, I wonder why is the hell I was transferred into 6A class, y not C to B instead of C to A. I think some of the guy/gal in the last 3 position did nt get transferred shud b coz of their parents influence (for being rich). Unfair!

I've got to say, tat was one of the worse experience tat I've ever got in my life!!! Imagine all the while u r in the best class suddenly u were in the lousiest class. Big impact! It was quite a big blow for me. The students in A class r horrible, esp the Malays in 6A. I tell u y. Up to now I still rmber the names but I don wan to say it here. So my class monitor scolded me to do my duty roaster to sweep. I forgot why he scolded me, prob I came late to class tat day n I was the one on duty. I rmbered I teared. He was quite shocked tat he made me cry n he kept quiet.

Okay, now I tell u the horrible part. Thr was some of the Malay guys, I think like 2 of them...super horny immoral creatures! Everytime they walk past me, they tried to touch my private parts (breast n down thr *u-knw-it). I was like "wah lau eh" why ur hand like put so low when I walk passed u. It was disaster! I spend my primary 6 wif fear. Luckily I noticed n I kept my body away fr touched by them. Else, those guys would like suddenly go n hold ur hand. Then, the gals r stil ok, at least they don't bully me although they dun study at all.

Most of the guys love to fool ard in the class, scolding foul words, which is sth I reli hate. I used to think scolding foul words is super uncivilized n no class at all. I rmber thr's some of the students, a guy n a gal who don reli knw their ABCs. I was like OMG, primary 6 man!!!

I was quite a timid gal n easy to bully so I had always got bullied by guys in the class. Luckily nth happened to me, as in raped by them. Now when I think back, y did I kept quiet, I did nt even dare to tell my mum/teacher. Else prob I got chance to get transferred back to C class.

I did pretty well in my 1st sem in pri 6A u knw, I strive so hard coz I wanted to go back to the best class! I got No.1 in the class but apparently they did not transfer me back, at least transfer me to B class leh...I lost my determination n got 10th position in the class in the 2nd sem. See how I drop but luckily I did well in UPSR. I studied so hard for UPSR becoz I wanted to go into best/2nd best class in the sec. sch coz only the 1st best 2 class r in morning session, the rest in the noon session. I made it to 2nd best class in the morning. I wasn't super ambitious also actually, 2nd class is good enuf for me. the bestest class r scary, full wif nerds n smart ppl n I would be darn stress competing wif them.

Then, in middle sch...for PMR I tell myself tat I must get into science stream. I rmber studying some accounting in Kemahiran Hidup course n I just can't get it! It was just not my cup of tea, plus science stream have a wider options. PMR I did well too n get into science stream. I started to slack during form 4. I could have scored straight A's in SPM n prob get JPA scholarship to study overseas. I don't knw y my determination, motivation n dreams started to deterioate after high sch. I was thinkin I would never get scholarship. So bcoz of my thinking like tat, I reli never get scholarships. Else I wouldn't hav to worry to pay back to PTPTN in the future, LOL!

At least up to now, I did not fail any of my exams or public exams. Looking back, if I can do pretty well in uni y didn't I do my SPM/STPM tat well. But mind u, STPM is reli tough. N now I look back, I could have did way better in the 1st year of uni. I had nearly screwed my 1st sem but luckily I did n I was awake in the 2nd sem. Tat totally sux. Although ppl says results r not the most important. But for fresh grad, I find it very significant! Results r nt important...hmmph, not quite true oso! So it's the best if u can scored as high as u could, esp during the 1st yr coz 1st yr is so much easier to score. Of coz, no need must score till CGPA 4.0 flat.

Coz of my playfulness during my 1st 2 yrs in uni, I've got to strive so hard. I used to study so darn hard in the beginning n slack in the end while in uni, I relax in the beginning n studied hard in the end. How irony!